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First Bar-B-Q in Kyrg...Shenanigans...Forever!
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ckone
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PostPosted: Fri May 04 12 7:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

JAllen wrote:
sausage recipe.

I still need something beef to serve to non-pork eating guests.



http://www.thesmokering.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=56651

use what ever beef you have, shoulder will work. If you can add some extra fat from trimming something else or get some beef bellies? Using straight brisket like I did was a bit fatty. The cure is not needed.
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Fri May 04 12 12:28 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Deep South wrote:
I would have found a proper use for that chair. Laughing


Deep South, Geronimo, thank you for the helpful comments.

ckone, thanks for that awesome looking sausage recipe.
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Fri May 04 12 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

2pm today and in walk a couple guests...

One is a rude local guy standing about 5'2". The other is a Canadian guy about 5'3" who has been in a couple times in the past year. A self-confessed Afghan war vet, for the last year he's been about 220 and ripped on roids for sure.

A couple sleeves of tats and a buzz cut, he's about as tough as a person can look at 5'3".

He looked like a popped balloon, having lost about 30lbs, but still very very tough.

He walks in in big, dark glasses...but they can't hide the punishment that face has taken.

He takes off his glasses and his face is mangled and his eye's are all watery and blurry...it looked like a face that had been beaten with the kitchen sink and could care less if it was in line for another three or four slams.

"I was in a car wreck, dude," he tells me. "The airbag didn't go off."

I couldn't have cared less as I admired the fresh mountains of pain that the face was obviously dishing out to its owner.

His was an interesting story as I try to remember he had a pregnant Russian girlfriend in here last time...and the time before. maybe served and was done and just hanging out here. We get some of those types as it can be very inexpensive to live here.

Anyway, they start ordering and complaining...food and mid-priced vodka...potato skins ending up on the floor and I scrunch my face a couple times, but hey, it's a bar...

They decide to pay with a credit card and it's declined.
again and again.

They don't have any money and they walk out on a $40 bill saying they'll pay later.

This, for some reason sucks a lot more when a Canadian does it, and I'm not sure why.
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Jarhead
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PostPosted: Sat May 05 12 2:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The bar that I go to, runs your card and puts a hold on $50 when you give them a credit card. They will ask you, "Will this be cash or credit?" At that time they run your card for the hold.
The most they lose is one round that gets repossessed.
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Geronimo
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PostPosted: Sat May 05 12 10:29 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Jarhead wrote:
The bar that I go to, runs your card and puts a hold on $50 when you give them a credit card. They will ask you, "Will this be cash or credit?" At that time they run your card for the hold.
The most they lose is one round that gets repossessed.


Are you sure it is the bar doing the "hold" or your bank??

At several fuel stations when you use your card as a debit the BANK will put the "hold" on funds NOT the station.
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Jarhead
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PostPosted: Sat May 05 12 4:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

It shows up as a debit of $50 and then a credit of $50 less the actual charges.
I don't know who puts the hold on the funds.
Gas stations do the same with pay at the pump, only $75.
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Sat May 05 12 5:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yesterday 4pm and in walks Vern...

As if he hasn't had enough drama, we got more.

Lola just lost the baby at 4 months one day after she started taking the multivitimins Vern gave her...

She's pretty broken up and pretty angry and her tough friends are checking the hospital...and...Vern.

She says when she finds out who's to blame she's gonna "get" the guilty party.

She's in the hospital for a couple more days, but then Vern's trying to get her to move in with him...

Before this, Vern was looking for a new apartment where people didn't know where he lived, but that's off for now...
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Sat May 05 12 5:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So, Vern was in last night...

It was kinda quiet and Vern was a bit bored so he calls Urmat.

"Urmat, come down and drink with me."

"Vern, I don't have money to drink with you tonight."

"Come down anyway, ... I'll pay."

Urmat comes down and they drain a liter of Old No. 7.

...and about a glass of Coke.

Vern's pretty wobbly and I'm not liking the slobbering on the bar so I pour a martini to wash out the disgust.

It doesn't help, but martini number two does.

Just another Friday at Smokie's BBQ...

It seemed pretty slow, but we had people in all day long and I can't complain too much about the result.

Bonnie Rait on the Hi-Fi doing some slide thing.
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Texman
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PostPosted: Sat May 05 12 10:03 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JAllen wrote:


Vern's pretty wobbly and I'm not liking the slobbering on the bar so I pour a martini to wash out the disgust.

It doesn't help, but martini number two does.

Just another Friday at Smokie's BBQ...



At times it appears you are writing script for a soap - to be marketing at some future date. Laughing
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Sun May 06 12 3:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Texman wrote:

At times it appears you are writing script for a soap - to be marketing at some future date. Laughing


Texman, thanks. It's always good to have a fallback career.

Soap or sitcom, this place is about as much fun as a box of crickets.

Like us on Facebook: Smokie's BBQ

Thanks, Lino.
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Sun May 06 12 4:15 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Soap or Sitcom?

Flashback two months ago and a pilot, Bobby, from Wisconsin comes in. He's a pretty regular customer, pours his own drinks and has guest bartended a few times.

He walks in and slaps the bar with an unhappy look on his face.

He'd just been on a date the night before.

Slap. "It happened again!"

me and Vern: "What happened? How'd your date go?"

Bobby: "It was going well until...until..."

me and Vern: "Until what?"

Bobby: "Until...it didn't work. Second time in four months."

Vern immediately got the picture and takes Bobby to the pharmacy located about twenty steps from our door, where he turned him on to a Viagra knockoff, Siagra. It's sold over the counter here.

That pretty much cleared things up.

I asked him for one a couple days later and the only difference I noticed was that my face got hot and things looked kinda blue.

Everything else was pretty much business as usual. So unless you have some Avatar thing going on, and want your girlfriend to look blue, I'm not recommending it for recreational use.

We're considering changing the name of the joint to:

Smokie's BBQ and Viagra dispensary.

In other news, we made bbq meatballs today and wrapped them in pizza dough. (I gotta put some bbq stuff in here sometimes.)
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Last edited by JAllen on Mon May 07 12 12:48 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Oregon smoker
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 8:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I tried the little blue pill once...Not really impressed with the results. So recreational use not really an option for me. Now if the 4 or more hours had happened i would be an addict and divorced... Shocked
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daddywoofdawg
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 11:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

girlfriend looks blue are you into smurfs?LOL!If erection last more than for hrs,SEE ALICE!LOL
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 11:36 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

daddywoofdawg wrote:
girlfriend looks blue are you into smurfs?LOL!If erection last more than for hrs,SEE ALICE!LOL



????
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 11:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Monday morning starts a new week at Smokie's BBQ. Normally, Sunday is a slow day/night, so we don't spend much time here and hang out with the kids.

I was in at lunch time to make sure that the catering order for sixteen hungry climbers got out ok.

We had a couple tables, but Dasha, our triple-dimpled cook-turned-waitress/cook, seemed to be managing okay so I left.

The whole city was in here last night, putting up numbers that would make any Friday or Saturday around here blush.

But things aren't all good...

Remember the naughty nurse from Halloween? The real hot one. Well, she comes in a lot partly because she has a Canadian boyfried-turned financee who's set to do a stint in Kabul. She lives next door, doesn't speak any Canadian and he doesn't speak any Russian.

So we do some translating.

All has been okay, but she has a four-year old daughter she brings in to the bar at all hours.

Her daughter runs around here unattended, screaming and behaving like a four-year old should.

She runs into the kitchen, sleeps at the tables and her mom asks us to turn down the music so we don't wake her daughter.

Sheesh...

Good enough, and we've had a couple polite conversations asking her to keep track of the young'un to no avail.

But the worst part is she used to be really nice and polite, but since she got her Canadian soon-to-be husband, she's complaining all the time.

"Pizza's too salty."
"Not enough cheese or mushrooms."
"Bathroom's not clean enough."
"Chunks in the salad not the right size."

After I sternly told her daughter that she was not allowed in the kitchen, I was tattled on and Sima is asking for her photo behind the bar back. It used to be on the pole of shame where we hung pictures of guests.

Bee Gee's on the Hi-Fi squealing "More than a Woman."
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 12:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The good news is we had a lot of people in here yesterday. The bad news is that nobody thawed any meat for today.

Why is it that in this business good news always seems to have bad news associated with it?

When we're slammed I'm worried about service quality and we start running out of all kinds of stuff.

What's even worse is that the pork maf ia girls aren't working on Mondays.

Since we can't get any fresh pork today, I'm feeling a bit crazy and I'm gonna do some beef ribs and a prime rib roast.
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

For the people who read this for the bbq content, we're cooking beef ribs, chicken, pork shoulder and pork ribs.

For everyone else, there's Vern.

Vern was in today and pretty unhappy that Lola didn't move in with him after getting out of the hospital.

So he's decided to start a new religion. He doesn't have a name for it, but I dubbed it "Vernism."

He plans to get it going on the internet, charge followers $5, and have updates like "Vernism 2.0." That way the cash can keep coming in. He'll take payment from paypal. The $5 was his idea, but he likes my updates and paypal idea.

One of the commandments is "No skydiving." He's only on number one right now, but he plans to come up with some more.

I asked him why and he said because he doesn't like skydiving.

In Vernism, everyone gets into heaven, but if you were bad you gotta be a janitor.

Vern says his garb will include flip flops and a baseball cap.

Vern: "All the prophets wore flip flops. I'm not messing with tradition"

me: "What about Winter Time?"

"UGG boots."

In between beers, Vern was drawing sombreros until Inna, our new waitress walks in...
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Enter Inna...

Earlier in the day, Mrs. JAllen informs me she's found another waitress who lives nearby. Wait staff around here come and go (and sometimes feel) like acne.

Mrs. JAllen: "Her name is Inna, she's old enough to have had kids, 'cause she looks like she's had one recently.

(ouch)

Only someone who has had kids and not look like it can make such a comment.

Anyway, she went on to say that she seems nice, "but she wears purple eye shadow and has kind of a square butt."

I don't know from where Mrs. JAllen has gotten so observant about potential staff, but it might be from me.

Anyway, I come up from my afternoon break downstairs I walk into the hall and I'm smacked across the face by the purple eyeshadow.

This eyeshadow could light the way for the USS Kitty Hawk...in cloudy, rainy weather.

As I walk in rested they're at that bar and Mrs. JAllen points to me in mid-sentence, "See him? He's the only one you need to be afraid of. Sometimes he's mean."

I'll get a picture of her if she comes back to work today.
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 8:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here we go again...

Couple of 50-something locals (husband and wife) come in and ask if they can sit outside.

I tell them they can sit outside.

They come in a minute later. "Too much dust out there."

Then they complain there's too much smoke in the bar.

Then the beer is not cold enough.

Then I'm ready to tell them something.

update: They had the bbq and softened up considerably, commenting positively on the slaw, then the sausage, then the ribs and "everything."

I felt only a little better until the lady asks, "How did you end up in this hole?"

Then I felt bad again.

And then the piece de resistance: "How do you make these ribs so good?...I can't make them like this on my grill."

bbq is not a skill, it's my superpower.

update: Now we're all best buddies. BBQ softens even the hardest of hearts.
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JAllen
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PostPosted: Mon May 07 12 9:51 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In other news, today I learned to make a hooka from a beer glass, a lemon and four straws.

Another skill that I'm not sure will ever come in handy.

I do have pics though.
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